Have you ever been inside a prison? When I did my internship I conducted workshops on Assertive Communication and Decision Making—two very important and empowering tools—in the New York State Women’s prison and the Men’s Minimum Security Prison, both in Bedford Hills, NY.

Each time I entered, I was impressed and humbled by the cold, damp concrete and crashing of metal doors and strict regimentation. It was startling when the sliding doors closed behind me—I was powerless to do anything and was at the mercy of the guards to allow me to leave. No words I could use or TV programs I could recommend would convey the emptiness and frustration that permeates the walls of a prison. Millions of people are within those walls, many for twenty or more years, others until they die—more often than not an early death.

Ironically, people in every walk of life have built their own prison. They have strong steel bars to hold them, tighter than the prisons holding criminals. Millions of people hold themselves captive. They incarcerate themselves and make environments that are worse than the prisons holding criminals. These private prisons are created in their minds. The walls are just as strong as the steel and damp concrete walls of any prison.

These private prisons are built of fear, excuses, pessimism, procrastination and complaining. Many people have ‘life sentences’ behind bars of ‘self-pity. Poor me—ain’t it awful, I wasn’t born rich or my dad or mother was a drunk, or I didn’t go to college—or “I can’t do that because___.” “I don’t have the money.”