Mention the idea of changing your life, and people react in a couple of different ways. Those who value stability tend to be resistant to change and deny, avoid or abhor change.

For many, stability reflects strength and change reflects a certain amount of unpredictability, unfamiliarity and uncertainty. Life looks like an either/or game.

What if it is both? What if what you might see as opposites are actually two sides of the same coin? What if change becomes the vehicle to stability?

Outer pressures turn the heat up: Family time is shrinking while family demands are increasing with elder care, for example. The lines between home and work are blurred with work either going home at night or tele-work options. Mobility and connectivity further mean that a conscious decision for time out must be made since it is way too easy to become addicted to instant news and email. The body, mind and spirit have little time out.

For sometime predictions of a talent crunch have been made alongside the need for employees to be more engaged and to close performance gaps. Regrettably most of the metaphors describing this phenomenal involve war or sports: the talent war or playing defense. At the heart of the matter it is quite simple. People seek meaningful work with the opportunity to grow (not necessarily through career leaps), want to know that they are making a valued and valuable contribution, want to use the talent they don’t know they have, want some control over their lives, and seek some hope for the future. The undercurrent of fear from global warming, noticeable changes in the weather patterns, spark in some, an undercurrent of fear for the future is amplified by wars that can not be won and disease that knows no boundary. This negatively impacts health and wellness.

Internal responses reveal coping strategies: Research shows that 75% of employees carry out personal responsibilities while on the job. Mental and stress related illness is the number one cause of disability. Rates of depression and aggression are on the rise in all ages negatively impacting productivity at work and home. Correspondingly, health care expenses are on the rise. The importance of balancing a full private life with work is more important than money and is one of the leading factors for why employees stay and why they leave companies. Substance abuse is increasing along with the various faces of addiction. Information overload creates overwhelm not just from the printed and spoken word but also from electro-magnetic interference and emotional sensitivity.

So why do people resist?

Interestingly, addiction, depression, aggression are all ways to block personal growth yet growth is the very solution to the pressures. Growth means change and you can not change what you can not see. The pressure hose is forcing change in some aspect of your relationship with you for the benefit of all. Resistance comes from seeing the source of the pressure as solely external. Personal growth, especially self-actualization, becomes the vehicle to achieve greater stability by strengthening your ability to ride the waves. The question then becomes how to merge these two concepts of change and stability into a deeper understanding of how to lead your life.

It starts with knowing that as you understand and improve your relationship with yourself you change your relationship with the outer world.

1. Notice when there are cracks in your outer world. Cracks in your outer world mark places where the pressure has built up on the inside to the point where you have to pay attention. Dissatisfaction and flat feelings are also signals. Rather than avoiding, denying or resisting you walk toward the source of the conflict within to see what can be learned.
2. Ask yourself what emotional need have you been ignoring, or not facing fully. Face that place of raw truth so you can truly understand what is at the deeper heart of the matter. The combination of traits likely to be found in those who develop cancer, the ‘Type C’ personality, is described as being extremely cooperative, patient, passive, accepting, and lacking assertiveness. Repression of emotion suppresses the immune system.
3. Observe what strategies you have adopted to cope with the pressures you are experiencing. Understand which ones are supportive and which ones have served their purpose and now must be released. Note any addictive patterns. Addictions mark places where instead of loving yourself, you channel your need into the instant and repetitive gratification that each of the addictive behaviors promise to deliver.
4. Break the pattern of specific habits that no longer help your emotional health. The simplest one imaginable for those 49% of Americans who know they watch too much television, is to start with breaking the pattern of using the television as a substitute for a babysitter, dinner conversation, or something to do. Breaking the pattern means identifying alternate ways to meet your need. The minute you start to see alternatives, you start taking charge and move toward hope.