My focus these past months have been on the process of change. Life experience is in constant flux and movement as we age. Without a doubt, I have discovered that aging leads to discovering a wisdom and intuition that has developed over the years.

I would not go so far to believe that I am a sage. What I have discovered is that along my journey I have developed a sense of understanding of my own experiences. I heard that wisdom is to be of service to others, not a demand.

In Native American totem medicine, the Hawk holds the medicine of the “messenger”. The Hawk circles above and has the vision of a wide perspective of the earth and sky. The message of the Hawk is to become an observer. To hear the shrill of the Hawk’s cry is to alert the listener to be aware of their surroundings. It may mean to be aware of danger, or an alert to a detail that would go unnoticed. This magnificent bird is calling to the listener to increase their awareness of living and to gather wisdom.

In the process of co-authoring a book with my Australian colleague, John Ahern, we have been discovering the perspectives we carry from the place of our life experience. He has just turned 40 and I will have my 60th birthday in the fall. As we are gathering information, we have discovered the number of people who have made their greatest achievements in the fall and winter of their lives. We also share the experiences of our own journeys and the lessons learned. We also are noticing how those experiences are viewed from the two decades that separate us.

In American culture, we have the notion that aging and change is something to be feared and avoided at all cost. American advertising spends millions of dollars to convince men and women alike that if they make themselves look younger they will stay younger. Aging is feared and certainly not revered.

Of all the world cultures, it seems Americans have the lowest regard for the aging population. We are not prone to seeking elders for the wisdom held within the experiences of the lifetime paths they traveled.

In Native American tradition elders are viewed as the Wisdom Keepers. In Hawaiian culture the designation of becoming the holder of elder wisdom does not occur until they become 80 years old. There is an understanding that these individuals have lived their lives embracing the challenges, discovering their potential and living life with anticipation.

It seems that as industrialization and the technology age moved in, the elders of families moved out. Aging parents became more of a hindrance to the family rather than an asset. The truth be told, perhaps in many instances it was true that elders became a detriment.

I have been watching The Waltons. This show’s theme is a multi-generational family that moves through the era of depression and WW2. When I watched this show in my youth, I focused on the youngsters in the family dynamic I suspect. However, now I see it from the perspective of the Hawk. What I have noticed is the respect that all the generations had for each other. The children respected the elders and likewise the elders respected the youth as they were discovering life. Wisdom came in the form of stories and modeling, rather than by lectures.

It has become very evident to me that if elders of families are to be revered the responsibility on the part of the elder is to be wise in their relationships. The arrogant, demanding elder will estrange and build a barrier between those they most wish to be valued as a member in the circle of their family or community.

It seems that a part of having wisdom as an elder is to recognize the budding wisdom of the younger generation. I thought about that last Sunday when I was encouraged by the grandchildren to ride their family’s four-wheeler. The boys had been riding around and around on their property under the watchful eyes of the adults. My son’s wife had instructed each of the boys as to the speed limit they were allowed.

As I climbed aboard the vehicle, I recalled my adventures on a Honda Spree that we had when my children were growing up. I was not stable on two wheel vehicles since I had not learned to ride a two-wheel bike until I was in my late 20’s. More than once, I wiped out on the Honda going to fast around a curve on gravel roads.

My son encouraged me, as I climbed aboard, with a reminder that this red motorized vehicle is accurately named a “four-wheeler”. Instructions were given as to accelerator and braking. And then the wisdom of the previous riders were graciously imparted to keep Gramma from flipping over, steering a vehicle with the lack of power steering, and stopping before hitting something. Yes, they instructed me and I did not question that they were too young at 12 and under to know how to instruct me on the operation of this vehicle I had never driven before.

As I observe young parents encounter their challenges in raising their families, making decisions, it is easy to want to impart my wisdom without their solicitation. The real wisdom comes from knowing when NOT to share until asked. The wisdom of this elder is to remember that each of them has their own path and it is their opportunity to develop their own experiences to gain wisdom.

What I am learning is that to be wise takes effort to remain the Hawk observer. It is a matter of sharing an observation without demand by asking first if, another perspective would be helpful; but without attachment if they take it or leave it.

I wish I could say I have the skills perfected. Alas, it is not true. This elder is still learning the art of wisdom sharing. In truth, this elder is still acquiring wisdom from others who are traveling the path of aging. Some of those teachers reside in the experiences of my grandchildren who have their wisdom to share with me.